Badass Literary Treatise

Windows and Life

For this blog entry, I shall say that I like Microsoft Windows, in all its incarnations since Windows 95.

I like it because of the way it parallels our human experience. Beyond that abstract connection, the only reason why I use XP is because of the 100 million programmers in the world, 99% of them write programs for Windows. And even though I use the exact same functions found in Microsoft Word 2.0, there is still this irrational lust for new stuff.

And this doesn't just apply to technology, every generation or so and there will be a 'new movement' a 'revolution', a 'paradigmn shift (ugh)' in [please choose from below]

Arts and Literature

Business and economy

Society and culture

Church and God

All that hype and packaging will fly and froth until sufficient people have bandied the overused icons and buzz words that they become stale. And then it is time for the same old brand new whatever.

But the real reason why I say I like Windows is not because it reinvents itself every 3 or 4 years, but that it comes with a neato 'Restart' function.

Windows, like life, was designed to get more boggy the longer you have been at it. Programs that refuse to stop hogging resources even after they have been switched off are like ex-beaus who have been 'terminated but stay resident' in the recesses of your psyche. Opened too many programs and they all run like quadriphlegic snails stuck in molasses? No problem! Banish them messlessly with a touch of the 'Restart' command.

Starting anew or afresh, whether it is in a new job, a new town or a new marraige is a very human way of untying the Gordian Knots of life. I guess this need for new-ness, for reinvention, goes beyond techie toys and church programs.

Sadly, I can not see how one can start with a truly  clean slate simply because one decides to. Short of doing an Eternal Sunshine, we will always carry the scars, the baggage and the influences of our life's experiences, even subconsciously. And like the movie, there is no real advantage in obliterating the experience just to get rid of the pain. Evidencing George Santayana's truism on those who fail to learn from history, the protagonist was doomed to repeat it.

We may not be able to restart our lives Windows-style, but we can ensure that on our [insert number] attempt to sort out the mess in our lives, we will do so with the bitter lessons of experience.

That Old Handphone

My mum and dad were recently given vouchers to spend on new handphones by their service provider. It reeks of socialist economics, but is in actual fact a really slick marketing gimmick. Nevertheless, I will leave an exposition to men more learned that I.

So there was a bustle of excitement in the household as mum and dad agonized over which new handphone they should get. And of course, they consulted [and eventually ignored] the resident geek.

Even with a feature rich phone, they will still use only use the call and SMS functions. I'm starting to think that handphones are evolving like the human brain. When it was the size of a walnut, we used about 90% of it. Now that it is the size of a pomelo, we only use 10%. Ah well....

Putting aside my wounded pride (they disregarded my sage advise!) I shamelessly suggested that since they already have the $XXX.00 voucher, perhaps they wouldn't mind not trading in their 'in-perfect-working-condition' phone for that measely $50.00 and donate it to my fund raising efforts for the church building. My Mum agreed and I quickly found buyers willing to pay double what the retailers were offering for a trade in. My Dad traded in his phone before he heard my proposal.

If you have recently recieved a voucher to 'upgrade' your phone, why not consider donating the 'trade-in' value to a nice and worthy cause? I'll be happy to handle all the legwork if you'll pass me the phone.

Grandpa

The fish you kept

We twirled and swirled

But you never got angry

You gave me money

To buy some sweets

And I returned the favour

By wrecking your dentures

With the bubblegum I offered

You showed me how to use

That antique sewing machine

To perforate holes

For my art and craft

And when you asked me to read

The newspapers about your shares

I was impatient and curt

Grandpa, my memories of you are few

Even though we shared the same house

For so many years

I thank God that you could have seen

Your children and their children's children

Brought up to fear the Lord

And to be called home peacefully

When your time came.

Farewell 'Kong Kong'.

We miss you already.

To Mr Moo Sim Hong. 1913 - 2006

Favourite Movie Songs

Ten most memorable songs from movies that I have watched in my life-time:

1) Do You Love Me by the Contours

From the movie Dirty Dancing. Baby walks into the American Boomer revolution as we see a ridiculous mix of whites, hispanics and blacks crotch rocking in the backrooms of the sixties. It is all she can do to hold on to the melons.

2) Girl You'll Be A Woman Soon

From the movie Pulp Fiction. Mia invites Vincent home and turns on the tape deck for some slutty music. Meanwhiles Vincent explains the morality of the situation to his reflection in the mirror - "Now I'm gonna have one drink, say good night to her, go home, jerk off, and go to bed"

3) As Time Goes by

From the movie Casablanca. " Of all the gin-joints in the world" Ilsa walks into Rick's and asks Sam to "Play it, for old time's sake". Rick makes a beeline for the piano and a whole slew of classic lines are birthed.

4) You've Lost That Loving Feeling

From the movie Top Gun. Maverick and Goose pull a really lame number to hit on a chick in the bar. If the rest of the bar stopped singing, we will quickly realise that Tom Cruise should never cut an album. Note: Attempt this only if you are able to pull a 4G inverted dive in a Tom Cat, otherwise, stick to developing Spidey powers.

5) Take My Breath Away by Berlin

From the movie Top Gun. Maverick chases Charlotte on his Harley after a tiff. Catches up at her house where she tells him she loves him and they make sweet love under the glare of the setting sun to the music of Berlin. The make up make out rocks!

6) All Star by Smash Mouth

From the movie Shrek 1. The opening sequence where shrek performs his morning ablutions. You gotta love that underwater fart thing.

7) You Never Can Tell by Chuck Berry

From the movie Pulp Fiction - The famous Jack Rabbits Slim Twist competition where Vincent and Mia takes off their shoes and pulls lopsided 'vees' across their eyes.

8) Hungry Eyes by Eric Carmen

From the movie Dirty Dancing - The movie plays to every mainstream sexual cliche without any frontal nudity. The studio scene with Baby sandwiched between Johnny Castle and his partner is the mandatory menage troi allusion. The song is totally unrelated to the scene and plot development, but, yeah, what a sight for sore [teenage] eyes.

9) Johnny Be Good by Chuck Berry

From the movie Back To The Future Part 1 - Michael J 'Mcfly' Fox crashes his parent's prom, plays Chuck Berry's signature song and really gets the party going. Apparently Rock and Roll can save your [future] soul, never mind the fact that such temporal paradoxes can never exist within an Einstienian cosmos.

10) Hit The Road Jack by Ray Charles

From the movie Ray - While in a smoky hotel room, Jamie Fox quarrels with his mistress and writes a great piece of music. Uh... sure

So what's your favourite movie song?

Toe Counting Rhyme

My boss has been urging me to write rhymes for children. I'm not sure it is a good idea.

Two by two

Let's count the toes inside our shoes

Two! Four! Six!

Skip the seven count the eight

Now let's stand

And end our count with a shout of TEN!

What's that you say?

An extra digit? If I may?

How right! How true!

There is an extra toe on you

Here's a scapel, I'll make a pass

And make you normal just like us

Rag and Bone Geek

Beware: Shameless Solicitation at the end of this entry.

I am a GEEK.

I know this because of the sheer amount of computing muscle which resides in my room. At the Peak of my Geek, I had 2 desktops, 2 notebooks and 3 Pocket PCs running simultaneously. This excludes the 2 other 'back up' PCs in my closet. Some people collect shoes and handbags, I guess I just find it difficult to throw away my old gadgets.

My room was starting to look more like a Sim Lim Square Ghetto instead of the Techno Love Nest I had originally envisioned it to be. I guess it is time for a little house cleaning.

I moved one PC over to my new exlusive clubhouse because 'sharing PCs is like sharing underwear - they don't call it PERSONAL COMPUTER for nothing'. and donated another to my friend's business.

I also heard that ARPC was looking at a hardware upgrade and figured that some of my hardware could be put to good use: sell off the techno junk and put the proceeds into the church building fund. My biggest worry is that I will take the 'junk money' and gratiate my iPod lust with the IM7, so I'm posting this as a form of accountability.

I am also making an appeal to anyone who may suffer the unfortunate maladition of collecting electronic junk to purge their room and donate the proceeds to a worthy cause. Specifically I am looking for that computer or computer part that you just got a replacement for. Televsion sets, old DVD players (why would anyone need 2 DVD players?) That discman discarded in favor of the sexy new iPod....

If the idea of assessment, refurbishment, finding a buyer and delivery seems a bit of a hassle, let me handle it. I'll be more than happy to play Rag and Bone man.