Badass Literary Treatise

The Question

It is such a tremendous relief to finally be able to post this. This was written shortly after a fateful meeting at Chinese Swimming Club with the person who sent me the email in question. To be honest, at the time, I was more excited about writing it than actually sending it. Eternal Bough will understand about getting a rush from writing something you think is pretty neat.

An email was sent asking
If you were on my list
Interrupting the charade,
Toppling a half-finished castle of cards
And realisations that this artifact
Will never be rebuilt the same.
So take the remainder of the pack
And line them face up, naked.
Your question now answered
Do I dare to ask my own?

"Oh wait! Oh wait!"
Perhaps it is wisdom
And not cowardice
That stays my treasonous pen
For if your reply is not
What my veiled heart craves
I should suffer neither scruples
Nor mortification.
And would consider it sufficient
To be deemed your friend

But should your words echo
That preposterous plea of fantasy
I fear that I would yield
Both cards and caution
To test the fates with naught
But my muddled wits
And foolish, leaping heart
So I pray thee, three score days
And then I will ask
That which I now would not.

Batmanism

Batman begins is the ONLY superhero movie that I have watched more than once. When you consider that I have watched Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels at least 10 times and Pulp Fiction 15, you get the idea of where these movies rank.

Everyone in the movie seems to be spouting all kinds of condensed philosophical poppycock. I groan everytime Liam Neeson pauses his sword swinging to ejaculate more oriental sounding balderdash. Inspite of this forced gravity, the movie still managed to soar on spandex and memorex. Hurrah for cool gadgets that can coat a city block with Bat Guano and leave not a few smears from terrified pedestrians.

And of course Katie Holmes, who incidentally delivered the movie's only credible attempt to be taken seriously : "It isn't who you are on the inside, it is what you do that defines you".

This ranks right up there with Uncle Parker's last gasp about Great Power and Great Responsibility, but falls short of Morpheus' revelation that "The matrix is the world that has been pulled over your eyes". Kudos to the Polish bros and their wicked word play.

Here you have a lass that seems to stand in sharp contrast to all the feedback from Christian women who insist that it isn't what a man does, but who he is that matters to them. Somewhere along the way, another schism has appeared between the perspectives of the royal priesthood and that of the world.

Before I blindly hop on the side of the royal priesthood, I must state that just becos the RP says so does not make it so.

We have an obligation to test everything with questions like: Has the concept of Works become so anathema that we have to avoid words alluding to it. eg 'doing' 'deeds' 'done'. Could this not be the same ditch that tripped the zealots of the mosaic law into declaring it unlawful for a man to carry his mat on Sabbath?

So how do we reconcile the manifold declarations in scripture that every man shall be judged according to his deeds / what he does, with this popular notion that it matters more who we are than what we do.

Perhaps an answer is found in Jesus' horticultural exposition: "A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit"

I won't spell everything out, but I think it will be a lot harder for me to get a movie date after this post.

My History in Song

For me meaning is the paragon virtue in assessing my world. A person, relationship, object or idea must be meaningful to me for me to enjoy it/them. I will always construct metaphysical bonds with them and in turn, they define, not just my life, but my person. Conspicuous consumption errupts from the realm of the sub-consious and I am acutely aware of how shallow and stooge-like I can be. In deconstructing my psyche, I hope to be a little more free.

Anyway, here is a list of songs that were made meaningful because of the persons they will always remind me of.

Age:15

Sealed With a Kiss by Jason Donovan

Story: She persuaded me to sing her this song over the phone! And yes, I did not have my own private line in my bedroom back then.

Age:16

First of May by the Bee Gees

Story: I qualified for the finals of my school talentime and I dedicated the song to her in front of the whole school. The stupid stupid things we do!

Age:19

Wen Bie (Kiss and Say Goodbye) by Jacky Cheung

Story: Ever got dumped via song? Well, this is exactly what happened to me and I didn't even get to kiss her! Felt cheated

Age: 23

Henry the Eighth by Herman's Hermits

Story: she would keep singing it to me because her Dad likes this song also

Love is Here to Stay by Ella and Louis

Story: We shared an apartment in Oz and she played this non-stop

Love me by Collin Raye

Story: She loved this song because of its story. I practiced like mad to sing it for her.

Story: She loved Jazz and Bossa back before THAT CD shop was the rage and I would protest everytime she played her music. Ironically, I still keep the collection of Jazz music she left on my PC even after we broke up. And I do like the music. She also liked dressing up in loud funky colours. And while we were dating, I was the boring nerd. Has anyone seen my sandals lately? hahahaha. I give her all credit.

Age: 28

Perhaps Love by John Denver

Story: Sang this to her in front of all my friends during my birthday. After that I got tossed in the pool.

Fen Fei (Fly away) by Yuki Hsu

A little known singer but one of the phrases that I actually understood by listening to the song translates as

Who could tell

That the travails of a true heart

Should be returned

With separation

Which basically sums up how I felt about the whole relationship

Age: 28

Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song by Mac Davis

Story: Walking along the esplanade, I sang this old country number. I think we shared our first kiss that very night also.

Age: 29

Groovy Kind of Love by Phil Collins

Story: While on a diving trip at Tioman, the power tripped. We had to take our showers in pitch darkness. When it was her turn, I sat right outside the bathroom and sang at the top of my voice so that it wouldn't be so scary. Over dinner, I recieved accolades from the folks in the  neighbouring rooms.

Never Been to Me by Charlene

Story: She commented that she identified with the protagonist of the song and so we sang along while it played on my car stereo.

Tell me about your special song!

The Highway of Love

On the Highway of Love, I sometimes feel like a drive by diner or cheap motel.

Reactions to this observation have ranged from "How sad" to "How true".

When you think it through, these stop-overs between the rocky ardous journey to and from relationships are such a welcome relief for weary travellers. And no, I am not talking about the friend who will listen to you winge and then buy you a beer. I am talking about Surrogate Relationships. (SB=Surrogate Boyfriend, SG=Surrogate Girlfriend)

Here I want to draw a thin and perhaps imaginary line between SR and Rebounds. People you rebound to may not be as clear about their role in helping you to rebuild your life and things could get seriously messy. Reboundees (folks you rebound to) may try to fill every raw space left behind by the loutish bastard of a boyfriend. SB's will take care of the peripherals like socials, companionship and tissue, but know that many areas are off limits.

Personally, I think it is less messy to be a SB than a SG. For starters, physical intimacy rarely features beyond the occasional hug or hand hold. Also, as discussed with Pearlywhirls, men can always play it dumb and dense - "oh, I thought we were just friends."

I have had friends who call me after breaking up and then we will spend the next couple of months chillin's out at resorts, going on dates, hanging out at beaches. Then one day, it will all stop and they will shly tell me that they have met someone else. Following the script, I will tell them that I am happy for them, wish them well and stow away my beach towels.

On my side, I keep myself sane by doing periodic checks to remind myself that SRs are not exclusive. The moment I find myself getting jealous I will discipline my thoughts and fantasies.

Of course there are the masochists who insist that we deal with reality head on and not indulge in escapism. I personally think that having an intimate friend can really take the edge off a broken relationship.

Still, there is a price to pay and running the diner is not without its pitfalls.

1. the traveller may mistakenly think the diner as their final destination and try to gain permanent resident status.
2. the operator may breach his professional duties and get all emotionally tangled up with the customer and saying goodbye becomes a drawn out and messy affair.
3. while operating the diner, the operator may not have the time or energy to hit the road himself.
4. Saying goodbye is almost always tinged with slight regret regardless of who says goodbye first.

To date, many of my SGs are now some of my closest friends even though they are married with kids. in contrast the friendship rarely survives the breakup with my actual girlfriends.

Nonetheless, I will admit that the cons do outweigh the pros. I do not encourage folks within the church community to start forming SRs after a break up. There simply aren't enough restraints to prevent it from turning into a rebound. It does help if you are a marraige fascist and your friends are 'incorrect'.

I know I won't be bitter

When you leave for another

Rest as long as you need

I might still be here on your return trip

Postscript: This is not a blog entry describing how one can go about becoming a SB or SG. It is to throw light on an oft overlooked facet of human relationships. That somewhere between being friends and BF/GF, there is this little sliver of water where the currents flow quite differently.

All My Mighty Power

"How will you know when you are in love?"

"Aiyoh! Why ask me this kind of geena question? Don't waste my time lah"

"No, seriously, how will you know when you love someone?"

"I tell you first ar, my blog now very boring. I even have to write allegories. So if this turns even slightly interesting, it gets blogged ok?"

"Ok, so now tell me"

"Piang eh. This kind of thing people don't want to hear lah."

"I want to know when YOU think or know that YOU love someone. Don't give me the general kind of answer."

"OK I think when I am willing to die for them, change for them. When what they say matters a great deal. When I can look beyond their limitations......"

"Oi! You are giving me the textbook answer lah!"

"What you want? I already said this is very boh liao"

"This is how it works. You have many friends who are not married right? So which one do you love? And more importantly, how do you know that you love that one?"

"Wah Kao! So you want to know who I love and how I am going to hong her izzit? "

"Ah, now we are on the same ball. Please enlighten me"

Apparently there are at least two schools regarding relationships between singles-who-want-out. My friend had assumed that I would pick one person from among my associates, decide that she is the one I 'love' and start to hong her with all my mighty power.

I do like the phrase all my mighty power. Picked it up while watching some Japanese anime with some mightily unpowerful english translation.

Unfortunately, I can see no one on my radar towards whom I may unleash all my mighty honging power so I found it difficult to answer my friend's question. For that matter, I cannot remember when I ever did all those send flowers, send cards, wait outside school, stand under balcony, write poetry, buy expensive Zircon stuff BEFORE the person became my girlfriend.

All my mighty honging power is reserved for the one who has made a decision to work things out with me. Not for some unknown wildcard. In other words, I think that I never fall in love until a long time after I ask the question "Oi, you want to be my stead?"

With this change in terminology, his inquries will doubtlessly be ressurected with vengeance - so how do you decide who you want to stead with?

To which I think all my replies up to this point in my life has been

"The path of least resistance. If the mountain were to come to Mohammed, methinks he will not be calling for his camel."

Perhaps it is time for a re-think.

Singleness issues I'd really like to get a biblical perspective on

While waiting for the movie to start, I thought I’d just rattle things a little.

There is a wind a-blowing in ARPC. A crusade to get godly people hitched with other godly people. No less than 5 messages have focused on marriage and selection.

I’m glad that in the midst of all this, I have yet to hear any mention of the “Heresy of the One” and I hope it stays that way. Every talk on singleness and marriage opens like a Friday the 13th movie - A bunch of horny singles laughing, talking and eventually ole hockey heresy shows up. And like Jason - won’t stay dead no matter how hard we pummel it with Scriptural truth.

Now apart from the whole qualities to look out for thing, I'd like some wisdom on the following:

1) Collision

With few exceptions, Christian circles (spell DeeGee) have a gender imbalance favoring the women 3:1 or higher. With such slim pickings (relatively speaking) there will invariably be “multiple bogies inbound” on a given target. The plight is exacerbated when the inbounds happen to be good friends. Given that friends tend to rub off on to each other, they will likely share similar tastes and standards when it comes to picking mates. The truth of the matter is that I’m not only talking about women fighting over men, I fear there is no such thing as gender-immunity where this is concerned.

What then is an “other-centered” response to such a situation?

How am I to be loving and sacrificial when so much is at stake?

I won’t rehash the cliché choices laid before the players (object of affection excluded from consideration in current scenario) but I think many of us would appreciate a biblical perspective (if any) on the whole thing.

2) The Hold Outs

Related to the above demographic factuality, we have to ask ourselves if adopting a wait and see attitude is godly wisdom. Some of us wait because we are unsure about our readiness to commit at a given point in our lives. For those who have just gone through emotional or financial trauma, I think that is fair.

Now consider those who wait simply because they don’t want to be singing Dan England’s “Sad to belong”. When I examine my own circumstances I think I am fast leaving the halfway house for wounded hearts and have started humming that idiotic song.

3) A Godly Breakup

“Will you love Jesus more” must be the ultimate cheesy breakup song for Christian couples. And I must admit that while it sounds really good, it is hardly helpful in prescribing wise, godly and practical steps to ending a relationship.

Not just for the couple, but their friends around them. Because when a couple breaks up, it is never just about them. Communities and secondary relationships are also strained. From my personal experience I have seen the spectrum range from friends who act like nothing happened to friends who send me hate mail.

Do we stay silent for fear of being labeled Kaypo? Is there a 12-step recovery program? What do I do as a cell-leader, a best friend or a casual acquaintance?

4) Casting the first stone… or not

And invariably we will sometimes find ourselves in places where we could never imagine we would be – neck deep in sexual sin. Or we could find ourselves in the confidence of couples who are swimming in those shark-infested waters.

How can we help to create a community where we offer hope instead of condemnation? Openess and freedom instead of shadowy guilt?

In all these I guess what I want to know is this - In the quest to escape singleshood, how we can best reflect Christian Charity to those around us. Counsel us O Wise men of God.